If you are an addict and have ended up on this site or if you are the friend or family member of someone who is using chances are you found us randomly, through social media, or you wanted to look into getting help for addiction. Whatever the case may be, 9 times out of 10 the opportunity to get help will present itself, possibly like it is right now and you will ignore it. And you have a slew of excuses as to why you didn’t pick up the phone or as to why you can’t do it right this second. What it really is though if we are being totally honest is fear. You’re scared. You think your tough but you’re not and you know it deep down.
That is why I want to say if you are an addict or even a family member or friend, it is normal to be afraid.
It is normal to really dread the thought of needing a detox and getting off drugs. If you think you are the only one has thought about getting help and then decided to go get high instead, you are wrong. It is the nature of your disease. And in case you were wondering, that is what you are suffering from, is a disease. It is a disease that will tell you that you don’t have it. Your addiction will always make it sound like getting high is worth it, it will always make it seem like getting help is way too scary or stupid or unnecessary. Your disease is a beast. It knows you inside and out and knows exactly what to tell you so you will keep feeding it. How? Because essentially it is a part of you and it will do absolutely anything it can to keep its hold in you. It might even be telling you right now that this blog is stupid, not true, or that it’s wrong. It might be telling you that you still have control, that in fact you don’t have a disease or that if you do you can take care of it if you need to in your own way. It might say something about getting help later, maybe next week or tomorrow but not right now. It might tell you that you can stop when you want to. It probably is reminding you of how good it feels to get high. It is reminding you of how easy it is to take the pain away. It might even be telling you something about how it’s not telling you anything that I just mentioned and that how I am wrong. How your brain isn’t saying any of that.
I know this because I have the disease also. It makes you do things that go against who you know deep down beneath your mind you are. You are not the person who is shooting up heroin, doing coke, drinking into oblivion. Who you are is that person before all that. Who you are is a good mother, a good father, a person with goals and dreams. You are a loving son or a loving daughter and you do care as much as you pretend like you don’t, as much as your disease makes you feel like you don’t. Deep down beneath the drug haze, you are the same person you were as a kid. We all are. You don’t want to be a thief, a liar, or a cheat. You want to be able to just use drugs and alcohol somehow without becoming those things. I wanted to say you want to have a normal life but we know that what you really want right now is to live a normal life while being able to get high or drunk when you want without negative consequences.
And ya wanna know what. You won’t ever have that life. Because you’re an addict and an alcoholic like me you won’t ever have a life that you won’t end up burning to the ground at some point if you are using and doing drugs. If you do have that tangible life, chances are your soul is in pieces.
And ya wanna know the other sad part. Me writing this blog with any hopes of reaching someone is futile. Most people who read these things, they read them and they laugh and continue getting high. Why? Because their disease tells them they have to. They think it’s a choice but it’s not. That might make someone who is using mad but it’s true. Being sober seems dull, uninteresting, and boring. I think I know but I really don’t know they are probably saying. That or having a normal life seems out of reach. And me in my attempts to connect with someone who might actually want to change their life are pointless because the only thing that can make someone decide they want help is themselves. Otherwise they will read this and continue on numbing out whatever kind of pain they can’t deal with that is building as they use more.
The truth is the majority of addicts who find this blog will read it and then continue getting high. Even parents or friends of addicts will see their loved one’s getting high and do nothing after reading this. It is anything new. But it is still devastatingly sad.
It is the rare few who have the courage to dial the phone number or call someone or reach out. There are very few of us who actually manage to do anything about our addiction and there are too many people who are sitting in their disease allowing it dictate their actions.
So if you were looking for a sign that it is time to change your life, this is it. But chances are even though it has come along, it won’t make a difference. Why? Because that’s how addiction is.
On the off chance that you do want help, we are here. If you don’t want to talk to us, at least talk to someone. There is a way out from this and you are not alone.