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how to get high without drugsHow to Get High Without Drugs: The Sober Douchebag

You know him. He is the epitome of everything that is wrong in this world. He is the creation of an alcoholic spiritual void that is no longer filled with drugs and alcohol. And is, instead, filled with something else. #YOLO. #FML

Sex, gambling, GOSSIP, material possessions, tattoos, fighting, the gym, money, cigarettes, VAPES, energy drinks, MASTURBATION, PORN, stealing, instagram, SNAPCHAT, eating disorders, dieting, DIET PILLS, selfies, Facebook, clothes, shoes, WORK WORK WORK, yoga, losing weight, gaining muscle, food – these are a few of his favorite things. 

How to Get High Without Drugs: Him

Detox. Treatment. 28 days. Halfway house. IOP. PHP. OP. All the P’s. He isn’t much different from where he left off. He is probably standing in front of Starbucks, venti caramel macchiato in hand (because a grande is never enough), with a self help book readily available, waiting to talk shit at the drop of a dime. But to say talking shit is all he knows to do would be an understatement.

Although there are no narcotics in his veins, there is still an emptiness in his soul. FILL IT, FILL IT, FILL IT. He doesn’t have a job, a sponsor, any support, or direction because he’s waiting for the right time, the right guy, and it’s gotta feel right. But he does have a girlfriend, living at an adjacent halfway house, who’s 15 pounds underweight and has the sex drive of a 21 year old with ADHD. And everything is different this time. They really care about each other. He’s gotta pocket full of his parent’s money in his new True Religion jeans. Meetings are his new nightclub only without the dancing. And pointing the finger to pick on everyone else’s mistakes is his favorite new pastime. Anything to keep him from focusing on himself. He covers his body in tattoos because he hates the sight of his own skin. He loses himself in Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram because he’s too insecure and afraid to function in reality. When he’s not at Starbucks he is at the gym bench pressing the 150 pound idea that he actually gives a shit about his health. All this guy wants is to prove to you, whoever you are, that he cares about himself. But the stark reality is that he doesn’t know what’s good for him and sponsoring yourself leads to a relapse.

This guy suffers from naivety, delusion, materialism, and the idea that he is sober just because he’s not drinking or doing drugs. He’s got abstinence insanity. Maybe he didn’t come here broken enough to be willing to humble himself and put aside all the outside stuff he thinks he needs. Maybe he’s incapable of getting honest. Whatever the reason we know that relapse is inevitable if he doesn’t do the right things. And more so, we know that misery haunts the dry alcoholic. Getting sober requires asking all of the dumb questions, we know that as “seeking.” The obvious focus for this guy is to find a solution and that’s natural for any alcoholic or drug addict removed from their drug of choice. Either we can substitute it with gossip and tangible possessions and activities that will eventually run dry or find an infinite fellowship and solution. 

“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”-Friedrich Nietzsche